I'm no Cinderella

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

"The Cinderella complex was first described by Colette Dowling, who wrote a book on women's fear of independence – an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others." ~Wikipedia

In 2014, it occurred to me, in a stunning and humbling moment of clarity, that I was waiting for someone else to show up with the key to my life. As a single woman, I was seeking a partner with a big life. In my mind, big life was not necessarily synonymous with big money, big house, or big car. Big life meant that I wanted a partner whose life was filled with passion, purpose, meaning, and depth. I wanted to be transformed, and carried from my own so-so life, into someone else's purpose-driven life. What the universe provided me with, however, was an opportunity to experience, and utilize, my own sense of lack as a vehicle for transformation. In short, so long as I sought, outside of myself, that for which I desired, I would continue to attract that missing piece in others. And while I never thought of myself as a woman seeking rescue, that moment of clarity was a game changer. I discovered that in order to find people who led deeply passionate and purposeful lives, I had to become a vibrational match.

The universe wasted no time delivering direction. Almost instantly, I was given an opportunity to attend a class at the Rhode Island School of Design, aptly called, "Become the Art Director of Your Own Life." From the first class, I began a process that continues to this day, of creating my own big, rich, passionate, purposeful, meaningful life. And lo and behold, now that I have taken responsibility for that creation, now that I am an energetic match to all that I seek, I no longer have to look outside of myself for the key.

I was reminded of my fierce independence a few weeks ago after celebrating my solo art exhibit at a local gallery. I had worn my favorite pair of matte black heels to the event and at night's end, I switched into flip-flops for the drive home. Once home, I realized I had misplaced one of the shoes. The next morning when I searched my car, I found the missing heel under one of the back seats. Metaphorically speaking, the moment wasn’t lost on my sense of self or humor: there’s no Prince Charming waiting in the wings to rescue me, no knight in shining armor pledging to battle for me.

Happily ever after is my responsibility.